Police Give Prize for One Millionth Car Break-In

By Erin Go Braless

Fair Oaks Street resident and Voice contributor Erin O'Burglemee recently became Noe Valley's one millionth auto boost victim. In her honor, the Mission Station police officers, led by Noe Valley beat cop Otis Perillo, are planning a gala celebration and have awarded O'Burglemee a pair of golden handcuffs with which to catch the booster.
"It was just a regular break-in," said a flushed and beaming O'Burglemee, "until I found out I was the winner of the [one millionth auto boost] prize. I guess the greatest things in life happen when you're looking the other way.
"I had four break-ins before this," she continued, "and I never won anything for those."
If she can't catch the vandal -- who broke the wing window of her 10-year-old Honda Civic but didn't actually take anything from the car -- O'Burglemee says she plans to melt down the 18-karat gold handcuffs and make them into a necklace and bracelet ensemble. "I don't usually wear gold -- it makes me look sallow," she said sheepishly, "but this is special to me."