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In a surprise raid last Thursday, the Taliban ransacked neighborhood shops that sell decorative figurines of Eastern deities. The remains of broken bodhisattvas and crushed Kwan Yins are knee-deep in all 47 of Noe Valley's retail import stores. "There's not a Ganeesh left in the place," mourns Ella Funt, an employee at The Shiva Shop.

The Taliban warriors have vowed to rid 24th Street of all statuary and artwork depicting either the human form, an object of worship, or a chicken.

The local shops severely affected by this ruling are God Barn, the Pickled Icon, Yoga Allah, Vishnus on 24th Street, and Church Street's One-Stop Idol Shop.

Unfortunately, the bandits also destroyed Tuggey's storefront mannequin Elmer, the giant shoe icon outside the Wooden Heel, and the plaster statues adorning Haystack Pizza. Pizza owner Val Picata was devastated. "As if that weren't enough, they swiped three pizzas

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