Noe Valley Voice April 1997


Blubber -- It's Not Just For Breakfast

By Thighmaster Doug

In response to the surprise popularity of a new Fat in the Box on 24th Street, Noe Valley merchants are hustling to keep up with the latest food trend: blubber.

At Happy Mukluks, customers from Blob Hill to Bernie Heights are lapping up an array of heart-stopping arctic treats, from deep-fried blubber balls to frozen penguinsicles.

Twenty-fourth Street's Pan Nose Restaurant announced it would change its traditional Greek cuisine to Nouveau Alaskan. "Our specialty will be `The Iditerod,' a husky-on-a-stick on a bed of iceberg lettuce and mush," said chef/ owner Mazook of the North.

Over at the Blubbiner Bar, which formerly sold fish and chips only, the gang is wolfing down barbecued auk wings, seal-fin wraps, and eskimo pies. "My bum looks like a sackful of live ferrets," said waitress/duchess Sarah Ferguson.

Why this sudden craving for lard?

"People are tired of feeling good," said Noe Valley Merchants and Cholesterol Association president H.M.O. Pinafore. "Life's too short not to eat fat," he added, speaking from his death bed.

The Church Street eateries are also running with the pack. Last month a sign in the window at What's for After-Dinner read "Save the Whales for Last!" "All our desserts are made from large aquatic mammals," said host Rosie O'Donnell, a large mammal herself.

Meanwhile, the fast food chain Blubber King, a subsidiary of Exxon, announced it was moving into the spot recently vacated by Thin for Now. The menu will feature the "Monte Crisco" burger, fatty melts (available in leaded or unleaded), and gravy milkshakes.